Many educators worry about their students being bullied, or if they have one with bullying tendencies what to do about it. Many people out there think that we are making too much of a fuss about it, that we should leave kids to their own devices. I tend to disagree. I remember the name of the person who tormented me in school. You see, she used to call me, “Stork'' because I was taller than most kids in my class and had very long legs. I didn’t like it but in those days you just had to ignore it. So, How Do You Know If A Child Is Being Bullied? Peggy Moss, a nationally known expert on bullying and a tireless advocate for the prevention of hate violence,and also an author of the book Say Something, Our Friendship Rules, co-authored by Dee Dee Tardiff, and One of Us gives us some advice here… There’s a good chance a child won’t walk up to you and say, “I’m getting teased and bullied at school, the kids are calling me names.” Instead, it’s going to manifest itself by a child saying, “I don’t want to be at school today.” If this seems to be happening a lot, consider the possibility that bullying might be the reason behind the sick days. For boys, one classic symptom is that they are teased so much about being gay or being atypical that they’re terrified to go to the bathroom. Since there’s only one way in and one way out of a bathroom, it’s an ideal place to tease other kids. Boys who are bullied often won’t go all day. These are all possible signals that your child might be the target of teasing at school. As an educator, add “Bullying” to your radar when you’re trying to figure out what’s going on with a child. Peggy says that the injury is real when kids get teased. Unchecked, it can be devastating - Source:EmpoweringParents.com Tips For Educators When A Child Is Being Bullied... Listen with Compassion. Be present to the child especially when strong feelings come up. Whether they are feeling sad, angry or scared it always helps to have an adult there who is listening with compassion and is showing genuine concern. Practice compassionate listening by bringing your attention away from your head and moving it into your heart space. It’s about letting go of judgements about the situation and just seek to understand. If you show anger at the person who is bullying the child it will only make matters worse. Let the child talk about it. As I’ve already mentioned, listen in a non-judgmental way about their experience and about the teaser. Let the child talk. As an educator some personality styles will try to solve the problem, however this is not helpful. Just ask them: “What happened? How did that make you feel?” Don’t assume anything. Yes, that’s right. Don’t assume that the child has done something to bring on the teasing. Teasing isn’t always logical, and for the child it doesn’t matter why - it just matters that it’s happening. Therefore, don’t say, “What did you do that made them tease you?” That’s not going to help. Ask “Cup emptying” questions. Linda Kavelin-Popov has a great strategy she teaches in her book, The Families Virtues Guide, for allowing a child to empty their cup of feelings. Linda says that good cup-emptying questions can be very general, or they can zero in on the feelings the child is expressing. For example, if the child is crying you just ask, “Johnny, tell me, what are those tears about”? Here’s some examples of general questions that will support a child to empty their cup:
I hope as a educator, these ideas and tips will support and encourage you when one of your students is being bullied. I invite you to use cup-emptying questions when you see a child expressing strong feelings of hurt or anger.
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Many things have been written relating to the qualities of teachers. When you think back on your own education, there’s probably a teacher who stands out as an exceptional source of encouragement and inspiration. Maybe it was a primary or middle-school teacher whose simple acts of kindness made a positive difference in your childhood. But no matter what grade you were in or what subject you were studying, chances are your favorite teacher possessed many of the three qualities that I'm going to list here. 1. Wisdom is the first quality. My understanding of this quality is a teacher has a discerning mind, based on experience and mindfulness. Great teachers seek to develop and exemplify wisdom. A wise teacher is observant and insightful. They watch, listen and apply insights which they use at appropriate times. 2. Persistence is the second quality. Great teachers understand that when you are persistent you continue doing something or try to do something in a determined way: Be persistent - don't give up, even on that difficult student who causes mayhem in the classroom. Stay the course for however long it takes! 3. Courage is the third quality. When you practice being courageous as a teacher you are determined to see things through. You see, courage transforms fear into determination. The courage of a teacher goes beyond just being willing to stand up in front of 20-30 wiggly children every day trying to guide them through their studies. As a teacher show grit by admitting when you make a mistake, stay positive, and have a growth mindset. As a teacher if you model courageous behavior, your students will follow suit. There are more qualities that a great teacher has. As a teacher, try to focus on your skills and talents as much as possible. Make a list of all your good qualities and don't dwell on what you perceive are your weaknesses. When you do something well or achieve something, don't brush it off. Acknowledge it and give yourself praise, even if is just a small achievement. For those Educators looking for inspiration, ideas, and support you might like to join our Facebook private group called Educators Are Amazing Consequences that work well have the following key features...
They are mild rather that severe. What I mean by this is, that consequences should not rely on physical punishment, yelling or threats to make them work. Be gentle by speaking quietly and thinking kindly. This will reduce the risk of your students being resentful towards you. Also make consequences short rather than long ones. It's easier for a teacher to stick to shorter consequences and easier for a student to achieve. Generally short means for a few hours or for the day. However this will depend on the problem behavior. The consequence needs to be something that you as the teacher can control. Also it must be immediate rather than distant. What I mean by this is, use the consequence as soon as the unacceptable behavior occurs. If you wait too long, you might forget to use it or even why your using it. Also the consequence would be ineffective because your student may not remember what the issue was and why their behavior needs to change. Accompanied by a reason with no debate... When you give a consequence briefly explain why you are doing so. For example, if the consequence is for breaking a classroom rule, state the rule. And if you have an open and friendly relationship with your students, some might try to change your mind. Ignore all attempts by the child to change your mind about using the consequence. Don't debate whether it was fair. If you have clearly stated what the consequence will be and the reason for it, there is no need to say anything else. Use virtues language in your consequence statement... When creating your consequence statement use a virtue for developing character in the child. For example if a child has broken a classroom rule by not being respectful, the consequence could be asking them to take time out in the courtesy chair, as courtesy is a virtue, and asking them to think about how they can be more courteous in the future - treating others with kindness and respect. What to remember...
For those that are parents or teachers looking for inspiration and ideas, you might like to join my Facebook private group called Parents with Teens, Tweens and Anything In between. There are times when teachers need to control what their students do and say. Setting limits in the classroom is a strategy that teachers can use to influence their student's behavior. Children especially teenagers who have limits set on their behavior and who experience consequences have the advantage of learning self-control and good judgement. Setting Limits... To set limits teachers need to be clear about what they expect and what is acceptable from their students. Setting limits work best when you have a good relationship with each student. What I mean by this is when you have a strong and positive relationship built on trust, it's more likely that your students will accept and understand your reasons for setting limits on their behavior. It's much harder to influence a child if you are constantly arguing, correcting and criticising them. A good way to set limits is to have a clear set of classroom rules. They make it easier for your students to behave in ways that meet your expectations. Excellent rules clearly state what behavior is expected. It also helps to write the rules down and display them where they can be a reminder to everyone in the classroom. You can use classroom rules for two things. Firstly they can outline your expectation as a teacher for specific behaviors. For example, if you want to teach your students how to show respect for others, the classroom rule would state that everyone is expected to speak and treat others with courtesy and to honor others by using manners and asking permission before touching other people's property. Ideas To Make Rules Work...
Children are more likely to follow a rule if it is specific and easy to understand. When you are thinking about how to express a rule, ask yourself the question, "What do I want this student, or this class, to do differently/better in this situation?" Keep the words simple and the rule short. This will make it easier to remember. Changing Rules... As children show more responsibility, the classroom rules need to change. Take a rule off the written list when everyone follows it automatically. This doesn't mean the rule no longer applies, just that it know longer needs to be written down or displayed in the classroom. While the rules might change the need for rules never do. You see, rules are helpful to ensure that everyone understands their responsibilities in the classroom - the willingness to be accountable for our choices and also for mistakes we make. |
AuthorHi I'm Sandra Davis. I'm really passionate about supporting others to be the best they can be through sharing my stories and experiences I've has gained along the way through these Blog posts... Archives
April 2024
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