I belong to a number of social media teacher and principal groups and I've been reading a lot of comments about having to deal with angry students in the classroom. For some teachers this will be very upsetting to deal with as some personality styles will avoid conflict at all costs. Also anger issues can impact the learning environment for all students. It's so important to have strategies ready when having to deal with this anger. This blog post will give you these strategies and a student exercise to use for building a strong conscious in your students. And I'll share a couple of tips from my latest book written with Dr. JJ Sawyer. Where does this anger come from?So many of us would agree that today we are living in an angry world. The media love to report anger in all areas of society: politics, religion, families, sport etc. As children experience and grow up amid this anger it will shape the way they express their own emotions. Learning how to regulate emotions takes time. Have you ever seen a two year old having a bit of a meltdown and tantrum in a supermarket? It's about being a role model, as young children are learning about their feelings and how to express them in an appropriate way by watching others. Remember that behind every behavior is a feeling. Children, like adults experience a wide range of emotions. Not only do children have difficulty expressing their anger in a responsible way, many adults cannot effectively express and manage their anger either. It's about giving children the tools for developing their social and emotional intelligence. After all, we don't want to send messages to our students that it's not okay to get upset. It's about supporting them to truly express their genuine feelings in a responsible and respectful way. I believe that one of the goals of an educator is to help students build a strong conscience. You see, conscience regulates the character. You know that still small voice that keeps us doing right and warns us against doing wrong. Linda Kavelin-Popov founder of The Virtues Project encourages us to rename and reframe challenging behavior. Here is an exercise with some simple steps to apply for doing this (The Virtues Project Educators Guide - Linda Kavelin-Popov):
Here's an example: "Maria, I appreciate your honesty about your opinion. How can you say that in a more respectful and courteous way?" We all get angry sometimesAlthough we are all a human family, many of us are sometimes surprised to see how different we all can be, especially when it comes to our behavior when those angry outbursts happen. We can be extremely different in the way we see and behave in the world, and this is why anger and conflict occurs.
It is not unnatural at all. Actually, it’s who we are. We receive a lot of information from the big wide world out there—from our parents and others in our life. We use our five senses to interpret this information and make it our own. We don’t even know we are doing it, it’s unconscious, and we can’t help ourselves. And others behavior can trigger our emotions. Young children can become securely or insecurely attached to their mothers, fathers, and other regular caregivers, or even their teachers. They can differ in feeling secure with different people. Feeling insecure triggers strong emotions in children including anger. Studies have revealed that this security of attachment is an important cornerstone of social and personality development. Young children who are securely attached have been found to develop stronger friendships with peers, more advanced emotional understanding and early conscience development, and more positive self-concepts, compared with insecurely attached children (Thompson, 2008). Here are a couple of tips from our book "Why Can't I Get Along With You?" that you can apply when children get angry in the classroom: Demonstrate Understanding: Find out what is happening for the child. When you are practicing understanding, you listen with compassion and accuracy to their feelings. Let go of any judgements you might have. It is paying careful attention and thinking about things in order to see their meaning. So, look, listen, and think. Demonstrate Forgiveness: Show compassion with understanding and forgiveness. We know that sometimes it is not easy to forgive, but it is not impossible. Forgiving a child who has said hurtful words to you or other children is a choice, and it takes courage. We have all made mistakes and said things we regret saying when we find ourselves getting angry. When you forgive children for their mistakes, you do not judge them. You are willing to start over. Sometimes they may be ignorant of a situation (unaware) so “forgive their ignorance.” When we can learn to forgive others and ourselves, we feel peace in our hearts. Forgiveness takes determination and believing that there is good in all of us. Demonstrate Self-Awareness: Start to become aware of your emotions. Relationship skills are critical for building and sustaining healthy connections. These skills are about making positive and meaningful connections with others, and it starts with self-awareness. For the last 50 years, researchers have used varying definitions of self-awareness. For example, some see it as the ability to monitor our inner world, whereas others label it as a temporary state of self-consciousness. Still others describe it as the difference between how we see ourselves and how others see us. – Source Harvard Business Review. One of the key skills for effectively managing students that are angry is self-awareness, which means being aware of your own emotions, thoughts, behaviors, and triggers in these conflict situations. Self-awareness can help you avoid reacting impulsively, communicate more clearly, empathize with others, and find constructive solutions. The last tip I have is just take a big deep breath before responding or reacting, as depending on your personal style will depend on how you react to the emotions of others. For those of you that would like to purchase a copy of our book you can click on this link: "Why Can't I Get Along With You?" We know that you'll love learning more about how to deal with angry people and those moments that can turn to conflict.
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AuthorHi I'm Sandra Davis. I'm really passionate about supporting others to be the best they can be through sharing my stories and experiences I've has gained along the way through these Blog posts... Archives
December 2024
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